


kill to hold your hand in public (without all the fear and all the drama)

by RoseofWinterfell



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bodyguard AU, Christmas fic, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kinda, Presidents Daughter AU, and new years, lil bit o smut, mention of enemies to friends to lover, merry christmas k!, tiniest bit of cambank cause we stan cambank, what else do i tag this with?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28471791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseofWinterfell/pseuds/RoseofWinterfell
Summary: Kiara Carrera is the presidents daughter and might be in love with her bodyguard.
Relationships: JJ Maybank/Kiara Carrera
Comments: 14
Kudos: 89





	kill to hold your hand in public (without all the fear and all the drama)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [capulets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/capulets/gifts).



> Merry (late) Christmas K!
> 
> I know you asked for enemies to lovers but I just couldn't do it justice in the time I had and being completely honest I find it so hard to write jiara as enemies. But I did allude to it a bit. I tell you what though, I screamed when I read bodyguard au and I hope I did it justice!
> 
> I didn't get this posted in 2020 but I did finish it then so I think that counts.
> 
> Thank you to Sara for looking over this when it was an unfinished mess, the rest is unbetaed cause I just wanted to get it posted so sorry about that.
> 
> Enjoy :)

  
  


Kiara had always loved Christmas Eve. She’d always loved Christmas too, of course. But Christmas Eve was special.

Because Christmas was filled with other people, extended family members, Aunts with passive aggressive comments on how much bigger she was, or cousins who she would get in arguments with over the environment and human rights. 

And Christmas Eve was just for them. The three of them. Her and her parents opening one present each, just one, always the same one. Matching Christmas pajamas for all of them. They would change into them and drink hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies – whatever she picked.

It was always their day and she loved it. But then she grew up and things started changing. Her family started getting money and they moved into a bigger house and they still did the same things but it was different. In that bigger house that didn’t quite feel like home. But they were still together, right? That’s what mattered. Until Mike decided he wanted to make a difference in the world, and politics came along. Christmas Eve then turned into some party to schmooze the right people and give the appearance of the happy all-American family they once were, because that’s how you win elections.

And then, at the start of the year, they moved once more. One big move, into one big house. The White House. And now Christmas Eve is ruined, and the family she remembers and loved so much along with it. Now it’s all performative, for show, to give the right impression. Now, she’s spending Christmas Eve in a ballroom with boring people, in an uncomfortable dress and wishing everything was different. 

Kiara continues to pretend to listen to whatever the guy in front of her is saying, fake smile plastered on her face as she tries to nod and hum in agreement in the right places. Damien – she thinks that’s his name – is some up and comer, an office aide that she’s sure has cornered her to talk at her about his brilliant ideas because he somehow thinks she cares enough to pass them onto her father. Surprise, she does not.

Her eyes land on a figure over the young man's shoulder, leaning against the bar with a watchful eye on her ready to come rescue her at any sign. He’s making idle, half-hearted conversation with the girl propped up next to him, sticking a leg out of her to-high slit and flicking her head back. She tries not to hate the woman, particularly because JJ isn’t paying her half as much attention as he pays Kiara, but that’s different, and well, all Kiara wants to do is be in her place right now so it’s hard not to. 

Her mother would love that, wouldn’t she? They are there to make an impression, and she spends the night consorting with the help.  _ The help  _ in question is her bodyguard, JJ Maybank, there by her side daily, and even more for nights like this. They didn’t get off to the best start, because he thought she was some pretentious spoiled rich girl, and she thought he was a judgmental asshole, but now he's her friend. Her only friend, if she’s being completely, pathetically honest. 

It has turned out pretty well for them, the whole arrangement. It doesn't feel like she’s being watched as much when they are together, she can have the freedom of being with a friend while still appeasing her parents that she is being safe. They can hang out and go surfing and get high in her bathroom, sitting on the counter with their legs lazily draped over each other’s while he laughs about  _ totally getting fired for this,  _ and he can get paid for it.

Across the room his eyes meet hers and his eyebrows pull together in the silent question,  _ want me to get you out of this?  _ She offers him a small smile and subtle shake of her head. If she gets out of this there’s only going to be someone else taking the place of the current Mr. Eager, and who knows if they will be vaguely tolerable. Better the devil you know, and all that.

Kiara takes a sip of her drink and watches JJ relax back against the bar, watches the girl next to him reach out and touch his arm and tries to repress the blinding hatred she feels for a complete stranger for it. Look, it’s not that JJ is  _ hers  _ or anything but… he kinda is. Or maybe she is his. Or… she’s not quite sure really.

It’s just that he is her best friend and they spend all this time together and really she’d still want to do that even if they didn’t need to. And she’d be blind if she couldn’t acknowledge that he was attractive and he spends 95% of their time together in a suit, and then the rest shirtless in board shorts for god's sake. So, maybe on occasion she fantasizes about his lips on her neck, or thinks about his hands gripping her hips as she squirms, leaving light purple marks in their wake. And maybe the thought of him doing it to someone else leaves her with a pit in her stomach and unreasonable amount of detest for this hypothetical person. 

There’s times when she’s certain that he feels the same, like when she turns and catches him watching her not just watching like he’s supposed to watch her but almost  _ studying _ her, only to look away as soon as she sees. Or when his hand lingers on the small of her back a moment too long when he’s guiding her through a crowd, their bodies pushed close, him guarding her and keeping her safe. But she knows this is not something she can ruin. She wouldn’t be the first person to sleep with, or even fall for, their bodyguard but she can’t risk him if she’s not sure. 

The man in front of her breaks her out of her wandering thoughts when his hand rests on the side of her arm. Her whole body goes stiff and she can definitely see JJ go on high alert at the gesture. 

‘I better keep mingling, but it was lovely speaking with you.’ Kiara nods politely with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. ‘Do say hello to your father for me.’

‘Of course.’  _ Not a chance. _

And with that he’s gone. She watches Damien – wait, was it Dominic? – disappear and she sighs. She knows she only has another minute or two to find another glass of champagne before someone else descends.

‘You could at least try to have a good time.’ Or maybe not even that long.

Her mother siddles up to her and Kiara can tell from her polished smile that Kiara’s efforts to impersonate America's sweetheart have not been up to scratch.

‘I’m here aren’t I? What does it matter if I enjoy myself or not.’

Anna places a gentle hand on her shoulder. Her mother does have a certain sympathy for Kiara’s lack of enjoyment at these events, just not a lot of tolerance for it.

‘It matters because we  _ want  _ you to enjoy yourself.’  _ Fat chance. _ ‘Stop thinking of this as something we are doing to you and you might actually have some fun.’

‘You  _ are _ doing this to me. You are forcing me to be here.’ She shugs Anna’s hand off her. She’s made it perfectly clear she doesn’t like these things. This isn’t her. But she’s here, why is that not enough?

‘This is very important to your father.’

‘Right. So that’s all that matters right? What I want doesn’t.’ 

‘Of course it matters,’ Anna sighs. ‘But sometimes we need to do things we don’t want to for the sake of the people we love. And when that happens why not make the best of it.’ She gestures out to the room of people. ‘Why don’t you try and make a friend? Ask someone to dance?’

Kiara scoff. ‘Because I have no interest in being friends with a bunch of self involved, rich elitists.’ 

‘Kiara,’ her mother says as a warning. ‘You cannot just assume that everyone here is like that. You don’t know them.’

‘I do know them. Because everyone here is the same. Dad’s the same. He used to be different but now he’s just like the rest of them, parading around and telling people what they want to hear. Not to do the right thing, or help people but just so get more power, keep power.’

Something flashes over Anna’s face that makes Kiara think that part of her might agree. It’s quickly stifled however and her lips press into a thin, hard line.

‘Don’t do this here.’

It’s not like she wants to be here anyway. 

‘Fine by me.’ She rolls her eyes and turns away, ignoring the quiet call of her name from her mother behind her. 

The porch of the country club is dimly lit by the moonlight and the faint glow flowing out from inside through the large windows. She can still hear the low hum of the people chatting inside but she thinks this is as far as she can get without actually fleeing the grounds and causing a panic. 

Gripping the railing of the porch she lets out a deep steadying breath. She’s not sure if she wants to cry or scream. Maybe just breathe. It’s so suffocating in there, all the false smiles and polite conversation. She doesn't want any of it. How has this become her life?

It’s like she can sense he’s there. Like her body is fine tuned to his presence. She doesn’t even think he makes a sound when he steps out on the porch but she knows. Knows he’s standing there in the shadows, watching her, never too far away but never closer than he should be. Like he knows the perfect balance.

‘If you have to be here can you please not linger?’ She doesn’t turn to him as she speaks, instead lifts her head and stares out into the moonlit garden. ‘It makes it weird.’

His shoes scuff against the wood as he walks. It feels intentional, like he wants her to know he’s approaching without her needing to look, and then he’s leaning against the nearest wooden beam, next to her. Her eyes shift down to where his hand rests on the banister, so close to hers. Her pinkie twitches, wanting to reach out and brush against the tip of his fingers. Something within her is drawn to his hand – for comfort, for something else, she’s not sure. But his fingers, and those rings - those damn rings - call out to her and she wants them twisted with hers. 

‘I didn’t know if you wanted some space.’

His voice pulls her back to reality and she wonders if he sees the way she practically snatches her hand away.

‘Space.’ She half scoffs, half laughs. ‘Never have any of that anymore.’

There’s always someone there. Someone watching her, someone around. It’s suffocating. The only moments she feels like she can breathe is when she’s out on the water, just her and the waves. And then, more so lately, when it’s just her and JJ. 

‘I can go.’

She raises a questioning eyebrow at him because he really can’t. He’s not supposed to. At a political function she should not be out of his sight.

JJ shrugs with an almost laugh. ‘I can go linger in the shadows again.’ 

It’s the best he can offer and she appreciates that he’s trying.

‘No.’ She finally looks up at him, the genuine concern in his eyes floors her. ‘No. Don’t go.’

If it was anyone else she’s sure that’s what she would want. But she can’t deny how much better she feels when he is around. It calms her, comforts her. 

In an attempt to clear her mind she turns back to look over the darkness of the garden, dripping the railing tight in her hands. JJ pushes off the beam he’s leaning against and mimics her position next to her. 

He’s so close she can feel the heat of him radiating off him. They’ve been this close before, but that doesn’t stop the chills that run up her spine, or the overwhelming desire she has to hook her pinike over his when they brush up against each other. 

‘So, what do you want to do?’

‘I don’t know. I just…’ She sighs. ‘I don’t want to be here anymore.’

‘Home?’

_ Home.  _ What a word. That’s not home. It’s not a home. When she thinks of home her mind goes to the shitty beach shack she grew up in. Or even the big house on the hill they moved into when she got older. It wasn’t the same but god, at least it was something of a home. Now she just feels like a guest. Like a ghost haunting a space that will never quite be hers.

‘No.’

‘Okay. Where then?’

She thinks for a moment, contemplating her options. There are none really. Except maybe…

‘What would you be doing now?’

She turns her head to the side and he mirrors her, his brows pull together in confusion.

‘What?’

‘If you weren’t here. Forced to spend your Christmas Eve at a boring event with shitty people.’

He shuffles a bit and looks down at the ground as he shrugs. ‘I don’t know. Nothing too interesting.’

‘JJ. Please.’ She leans over and knocks her shoulder with his. ‘I just can’t be here anymore.’

He looks back up at her with a sigh and she shoots him her best puppy dog eyes. One of his hands comes up to rub over his face roughly before he answers.

‘Fine.’ He still seems hesitant, but regardless he pushes off the railing and tilts his head, indicating for her to follow. ‘Come on.’

They start out towards the exit, she doesn’t miss when he pulls his phone out of his pocket and types something into it.

‘Reporting back to my keepers?’ It’s a joke. Mostly. There are days when really it feels like any sort of freedom or independence has been taken from her.

‘Just Peterkin,’ - Peterkin, his boss, Head of Security - ‘that way she won’t have to put out a nationwide search party.’

Her driver gives them a funny look when JJ gives him the address but obliges nonetheless.

Kiara understands why the closer they get. They get further and further into the outskirts of town, into what her mother would call an  _ undesirable location _ . Until they stop in front of an apartment building, old and probably closer to being condemned than not. 

JJ shoots her an uneasy look when he pulls a set of keys out of his pocket to open the door. Almost like he’s expecting her to take it all back and ask them to leave. But she’s not a stranger to this. To the lack of comfort, to a humble abode. He might think she was raised in a castle, but she wasn’t – not at all.

They climb the stairs in silence. Kie has to pick up her gown to keep it from dragging along the floor that probably hasn’t had a decent clean in far longer than it should have. 

He pauses in front of the door marked 5B. She can hear some excited shouting coming from behind it and it intrigues her.

‘We don’t have to stay.’ He fiddles with the set of keys in his hand. ‘If you wanna leave just-’

‘Just open the door, JJ.’

Did he really think that little of her? Like she was going to judge him for where he lived. She was sure they had gotten past that point. He realised she wasn’t the spoilt rich girl he had assumed when he was first assigned to her. Although even if he doesn’t necessarily hate her anymore, there is the small chance that she’s the only one who actually thinks they are friends. 

He only pauses for a second longer before he’s opening up the door and stepping in.

‘Pope. I swear to god,’ is the first thing she hears, and then there is a flash of movement behind the couch and a large thud.

There’s a blonde girl perched on an armchair off to the side, a bottle of beer in one hand, a twister spinner in the other. She turns to them mid laugh at the sound of the door.

‘I thought you-’ She cuts herself off and her eyes go wide at the sight of Kiara. ‘Holy shit.’

Kie awkwardly lingers in the entrance as the girl stares but JJ gestures for her to step into the living area and then follows her closely behind as she complies.

‘What?’ A voice floats up from behind the couch and as she walks further into the apartment she finds its source.

On the ground, on top of a twister mat, are two boys piled up in a tangle of limbs. They look just as confused as the girl as their eyes flick from her, to JJ behind her and then to each other.

JJ clears his throat. ‘Guys, this is Kiara.’

There’s a sudden flurry of movements and then the darker boy is flailing to get away from the other and scrambling to his feet. 

No one else speaks so JJ continues. ‘These are my roommates. Pope and John B.’ He moves around and playfully pushes at the head of the girl. ‘And this is Sarah. Who does not live here, but seems to forget that.’

Sarah laughs and reaches up to push JJ away. ‘Don’t act like you don’t love having me around.’

‘Couldn’t live without you.’ He’s aiming for sarcastic, but Kiara can tell there's genuine affection there.

The thought crosses her mind as to why Sarah’s here so often if she doesn’t live there. Maybe she’s dating one of them? She can’t ignore the stirring inside her when she wonders if she’s JJ’s girlfriend.

He’d never mentioned a girlfriend. Surely that’s something that would have come up. There’s no way he would have brought her back here to his girlfriend. Right?

‘You want a beer?’ JJ asks, and his voice pulls her out of her thoughts. 

She gives him a nod which he returns with a lopsided grin. 

‘Sit down. I promise you won’t catch anything from it.’ He gestures to the ratty yellow couch and she’s not entirely sure that’s true, but she does it anyway. 

JJ disappears and she’s left with three strangers staring silently at her like she’s some obscure animal at a zoo exhibit. 

If she was better at social situations she might find it easier to break the ice or start a conversation but there’s a reason her only friend is a guy who is forced to hang out with her daily. She doesn’t make friends easily. 

‘Hey,’ she chokes out, realising it’s her first word since entering the apartment.  _ Off to a great start, Kiara. _

The silence lingers between them again and she considers just finding JJ and taking him up on the whole  _ we can leave  _ offer. But then Sarah’s leaning towards her, an eyebrow raised. 

‘I thought you were at some fancy event tonight?’

Oh. Now she definitely wants to find JJ and get the hell out of here. She looks down at her laps and runs her hands over her legs, smoothing out her dress. Which really, is the ball gown not a dead give away that yes, they were in fact at some fancy event. 

Before she can answer JJ’s doing it for her. ‘Yeah but we ditched. You have any idea how boring that shit is?’

A beer bottle appears in front of her, JJ’s bare arm extended out in an offering. She glances up at him and then does an actual double take as she takes the bottle from him. Long gone is the standard suit. Instead in its place is a plain white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Look, every girl knows and appreciates a good pair of grey sweat pants but  _ god _ . She thinks JJ brings them to a whole new level. 

Probably part of it is brought on by only ever seeing him in a suit – or board shorts when they go surfing, which she also greatly appreciates – so seeing him dressed down in sweats is practically a religious experience. Her mouth goes dry and she has to consciously tell herself to look away. 

Kie’s grateful for the deflection, JJ small subversion of the truth letting her avoid having to mumble through some explanation of why they had left early. 

There’s a collection of nods from the group and she thinks they are about to fall back into awkward silence again, but then Pope stands in front of her and speaks for the first time. 

‘I’m a big fan of your father,’ he blurts out like he can’t quite control it and really he almost looks starstruck looking at her. 

_ Great.  _ She’d  _ love _ to talk about him right now. 

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘Best president we’ve ever had.’ Pope sounds so excited she can’t bring herself to stop him. ‘I mean the things he’s done for this Country. I mean granted we’ve got a long way to go…’

‘Fucking nerd,’ JJ jokes in what she thinks is an attempt to derail the conversation. 

‘Just because you like to live in ignorant bliss of the state of your Country.’

‘I’m not ignorant, man.’ He comes over and settles next to her on the couch, both too close and not close enough. ‘Kie tells me all the important stuff, right?’

He knocks his shoulder with hers.

‘Oh yeah. I’ll be sure to let you know when your white male privilege is in jeopardy,’ she grin teasingly.

JJ tilts his beer towards her and knocks it with his own bottle. ‘Much appreciated.’

He takes a swig of his drink, waiting a beat for his friends to carry on before turning to her. 

‘If you wanted to change I got some clothes out for you.’ He looks a little unsure as he speaks. ‘They might be a bit big but… I don’t know, I thought it might be better than being in  _ that _ all night.’ He gestures to her dress and he’s right. Not only is it unbelievably uncomfortable, she’s definitely overdressed in the room full of people who look ready to crawl into bed.

‘Uhh. Yeah sure.’ 

He gives her a small smile and then points to a door that looks like it leads to a hallway. ‘Second door on the right. Just on the bed.’

JJ’s room is… tidy. Kind of. It gives the impression that it’s been hastily cleaned so it seems tidy without really being so. His duvet is pulled up to make the bed but the lumps it in makes it pretty clear the top sheet is still clumped down the bottom. She can see a bunch of clothes piled on the bottom of his closet from where the door has slightly swung back open and his dresser is covered in all sorts of random bottles and miscellaneous items that seem to have been pushed together to appear like they are organised and on there intentionally. 

She can’t help smiling at the thought that he’s done it for her benefit. That and the thought that this doesn’t seem like a room that has a girlfriend in regularly so maybe she doesn’t have to be worried about Sarah. 

Folded on the end of the bed is a blue t-shirt and another pair of grey sweat pants just like the one’s JJ’s wearing. They are soft and worn in and smell like him and there’s something so comforting in that. Makes her feel safe. The shirt grazes her thighs and she has to pull the drawstring on the pants as tight as it goes and then roll the waistband a couple times to get them to fit but she doesn't mind. She likes that she doesn't need to dress up or put in effort, that she can just be comfortable and hang out with some fun people. It’s something she’s been craving for the longest time. 

JJ’s got the twister spinner in his hand when she reemerges. He looks up at her and she doesn’t miss the way he stops and stares midsentece. A small blush creeps on her cheeks and she bites her lip to hide the satisfied smile that comes with his reaction to her wearing his clothes.

After a beat he’s clearing his throat and waving the spinner at her. ‘You wanna play?’

**

It’s the most fun she’s had on Christmas Eve in a long time. She really likes JJ’s friends, and while they aren’t her family there’s something about the way they are around each other that feels like they are each others. It gives her hope to see how they are with each other, that even if her family isn't what she wants it to be right now that she could find one in other people.

There’s a certain sadness when she realises that JJ might be her best friend, but she isn’t his. Because he has three amazing people in his life that he’s far closer with, known so much longer. She’s not a stranger to jealousy when it comes to JJ but this is something new. It’s not that she wants him to herself, it's that she wants to be part of this. Wants nights filled with laughter and games and beer and inside jokes, ones that she gets and not just sits there and politely chuckles at their chaotic laughter over something that makes no sense. 

John B kind of reminds her of a dog that entertains himself for an hour by cashing its own tail. Maybe a golden retriever or something. In a good way of course. He talks a mile a minute and has this excited energy around him that might be exhausting on anyone else but with him it just makes you happy, like basking in the sun. He tells her that him and JJ are the OG’s and that they met in the third grade when they both stayed at school late one afternoon and they killed the time by having jumping competitions off the swings. They exchange a bit of a look, when John B says it happened a few more times after that and then they were stuck with each other for life, that Kiara’s not quite sure what to make of but they move past it and the awkward air doesn’t last long.

Pope is hard to describe. He’s studying to be a corner and seems significantly more responsible and straight laced than the rest of the group. But he doesn’t seem out of place, she gets the impression that he enjoys the chaos that comes with them, he certainly doesn't mind embracing it at times. Twister was brought to a halt when JJ accused him of cheating and the mat turned into a wrestling ring. After, JJ shot her a slightly sheepish smile but seemed comforted by her laughter at their childish antics and his disheveled hair. 

Pope ends up bailing her up on the couch talking about dead bodies, when he mentioned wanting to be a corner she hadn’t realised how deep the interest lied. Had she, she might not of asked more about it, because talking about decomposition rates is not exactly good party chit chat. That’s when JJ steps in, like he does at all sorts of functions when her eyes start pleading with him. She hadn’t expected it, he wasn’t technically working right now so she didn’t think he’d been keeping a watchful eye on her looking for signs of distress. But suddenly he’s there, pushing his way in to sit between then and playfully telling Pope to shut up before changing the subject. They are pushed together shoulder to shoulder and she can feel the heat radiating off him, his hand casually finds itself on her thigh and it takes her a whole minute to pull herself out of her thoughts of his fingers brushing against her skin and tune back into the conversation. 

She learns that Sarah is John B’s girlfriend and hopes her sigh of relief isn’t overly obvious. At first glance Sarah seems like the kind of girl that Kiara never would have gotten on with in high school but after one conversation with her she knows she’s someone she’d easily call her friend. She seems soft and as light as air until one of the boys start talking shit and she gives as good as she gets. She drags Kiara into the kitchen under the pretence of getting another drink only to flash her a sly smile and ask her what’s going on with her and JJ. She gets a questioning look when she insists they are friends and she just needed an escape for the night but the topic isn’t pushed and Kiara is grateful.

Because then there’s JJ. And her mind is swarmed with thoughts and what if’s. He’s been there all night, just in her orbit, always coming back to her. Standing close, arm wrapped over her shoulders, a small tug of her hair when it falls in her face, a whispered joke in her ear, his lips grazing against her and giving her goosebumps. It feels so intimate, like another level in their relationship and she’s never felt so sure that this might not just be one sided. 

When the night starts winding down and everyone starts to drift off to bed, JJ says something about getting her home and she does her best petulant child act, completely with pouting and puppy dog eyes. She doesn’t want to go, not yet, not tonight.

‘Kie. You have that thing with your family in the morning.’ He says with a sigh.

Ah yes. It’s Christmas, and you spend Christmas with your family. And a camera crew. 

‘Please,’ she whines.

JJ actually cracks a smile, like he finds it endearing and not completely childish and probably more embarrassing that she realises right now. 

He looks down at her laying on the couch for a moment longer. ‘Fine,’ he says with a sigh and then holds out his hand for her to grab, helping her stand up. ‘But we have to leave early, okay?’

He leads her into his bedroom and Kie feels butterflies stir in her. The thought of them in his bed together, even just sleeping, makes her wonder - hope really - that this might be the start of something. 

JJ pulls the duvet back and then awkwardly reaches down and pulls up the sheet that she had been right about still being pushed down the bottom of the bed. She climbs in, following his exaggerated gestures, like he’s her bed maid or something and pulls the covers back over her. If she thought wearing his clothes was calming, being in his bed was better, completely enveloped in his scent.

‘Early, remember.’ He looks down at her. ‘I’m not going to get fired just because you want a sleep in.’

She hums and nods slightly in agreement, her eyes flicker closed and she settles on falling asleep. She can hear JJ move around the bed and she’s waiting for him to climb in next to her, wondering if maybe they will cuddle. They can do that right? 

‘Just let me know if you need anything.’ His voice seems too far away and her eyes flick back open.

He’s standing in the doorway about to close the door and leave.

‘Wait. Where are you going?’ She calls out after him.

‘I’ll just be on the couch.’

_ Oh. _ Why had she thought he was joining her? She guesses it makes sense, why would he assume that she’s okay with sharing a bed with him. And really, just because this isn’t exactly a professional setting doesn’t stop the fact that technically their relationship is professional. 

‘That’s stupid JJ.’ And apparently she doesn’t care about any of that right now. ‘I’m not kicking you out of your own bed.’

He chuckles and leans against the door frame. ‘Oh? You want to sleep on the couch then, princess?’ He crosses his arms and flashes her a teasing smile. 

She rolls her eyes and then pulls back the blanket, patting the mattress next to her. 

‘We’re adults JJ. We can share a bed.’

He sighs as he watches her. ‘No, we–’ he cuts himself short and looks down at the ground for a second. ‘It wouldn’t be appropriate.’

‘It wouldn’t be appropriate,’ she repeats, mockingly. ‘It doesn’t need to be a big deal.’

All he does is stare at her. Like he’s weighing up the options, having a battle with himself. Over what, she’s not really sure. After all, all she’s suggesting is sleeping in the same bed. All above board. 

‘Look.’ She grabs one of the pillows and sets it down in front of her, creating somewhat of a wall between her and the other side of the bed. ‘Totally legit.’

He chuckles and she grins. She knows she won him over. JJ lets out a tired groan but then drags himself over to the bed, laying down and pulling the blanket over them. 

‘That wasn’t so hard now, was it?’ Kie teases as she settles back down and lets her eyes close once again. 

She tries to sleep. She swears she does. But she’s painfully aware of JJ’s presence – right next to her. In his bed. While she’s wearing his clothes. And she just. She can’t ignore it. Can’t get her mind to shut it out. 

She wants so badly to reach across and touch him, maybe pull him close and cuddle. Or run her hands over his chest, just something to settle her urge to touch him and soothe herself to sleep. But the pillow barrier stops her. That’s the whole point though isn’t it. 

In an attempt to find something to satisfy the urge she moves her foot across slightly, carefully searching for his. Sure enough she finds them, cold and bare. All she does is start rubbing then with hers. It doesn’t mean anything. She’s not trying anything. It’s just comforting. 

Until he’s moving them away. It seems purposeful.

She lays on her side staring at the pillow between them wondering what JJ’s doing on the other side. If he’s actually sleeping or if her mind is wandering just like hers. 

‘JJ,’ she whispers into the night. 

No response. 

She pushes down the pillow slightly so she can see him. He’s on his back staring up at the ceiling. Eyes wide open, she can see him blinking. He’s ignoring her. 

‘JJ,’ she repeats. 

He pauses. She sees his eyes clamp shut and he takes a deep breath but then finally he turns on his side to mirror her. 

They watch each other. No words exchanged. She can feel the tension building the longer the silence goes on and god she wants to break it. She’s sure he feels this too, he’s got to. And really, what’s so wrong with them acting on that?

Not sparing much more thought she reaches out and cups his check with her hand, gently rubbing her thumb against his jaw bone. She moves in slow, shuffling slightly, leaning over the pillow between them until their lips brush.

JJ lays still, watching her every move until she moves to close that final gap and he’s breathing out, ‘Kiara.’

She pauses, but doesn’t pull away.

‘Don’t...’ he continues.

She’d be inclined to believe he really didn’t want this had he moved away. Instead he lets her stay, so close she can feel his breath on her with every exhale.

‘Why not?’

Her hand slips down and wraps around the back of his neck. 

‘It’s… It’s not right.’

‘I know you feel this too.’

‘You’ve been drinking.’

‘Don’t you want this?’

She’s actually starting to second guess herself again. Maybe it was all in her head, completely one sided. Maybe she’s been projecting.

His eyes flutter closed. ‘Of course I do. It’s just-’ 

He cuts himself off when he looks at her again, staring back into her eyes that she’s sure are pleading at him, open and vulnerable. 

Carefully he brings a hand up between then, placing his thumb on her bottom lip, studying it. She can see the battle playing over her mind, over what she’s not entirely sure. It wouldn’t be the first time someone crossed this line with their bodyguard.

His hand drops and she feels herself wanting to chase his touch until his fingertips start lightly tracing the bare skin of her arm. His eyes follow his movements, gently up and down. There’s so much tension in the air between them, it feels inevitable.  _ Of course  _ he does, that’s what he said, then why can’t they. She wants it, has for so long, he has to know that.

He flicks his eyes back to hers, they stare into her like he’s trying to tell her everything in that one look that he can’t find the words for. His fingers stop their movements and her graze drops down to his lips as his tongue darts out between his lips to wet them.

It’s slow, and hesitant when he leans in. She lays still and let’s him decide, he pauses halfway for half a second but then his lips are on hers. Gentle and sweet, testing the waters. Her whole body shivers and her chest jumps.

They pull away for a beat, his eyes flick between hers and then he’s smiling, entwining his hand in her hair and pulling her back in. As much as she loves the slow kisses she can’t deny how much she loves when they start getting a bit more desperate, a bit more messy.

He pushes into her and then lets out a gruff groan, reaches between them and grabs the pillow throwing it across the room somewhere. His lips never leave hers as he rolls onto her, nestling his hips in between hers and grinding down ever so slightly, enticing a small moan from her lips.

Kiara reaches her arms around his back and starts tugging at the collar of his shirt. She needs it off. Now. JJ get’s the idea and sits back, letting the blanket fall off them and tugs the shirt off. It’s not like she hasn’t seen it before, him shirtless, but god - context is everything and her breath hitches as if it was the first time. 

Shuffling back slightly JJ comes back down, but instead of finding her lips pushes up her shirt slightly and presses a kiss just above the rolled up waistband of his sweats and her whole body clenches. It’s not what she expected but she’s not complaining as he starts kissing up her body, his hands tracing her sides and pushing the shirt as he goes, exposing her more and more. The fabric gets bunched up above her breasts and he pulls back and stares for a moment before leaning back down, placing a small kiss in between them and then another. He pauses, resting his head there for a moment and then he’s shaking his head back and forth between them.

Kie lets out a shriek of a laugh at him and lightly smacks him on the side of his head. He pulls away, a laugh falling from his mouth, his eyes shining down at her. She playfully rolls her eyes and shakes her head at him as she pushes up so she can pull her shirt all the way off. With that, JJ gets serious again, kissing her and pushing her back down to the mattress.

His lips find her neck and she can barely keep his actions straight, as he makes his way back down her. He finds each of her nipples, giving them each a brief moment of attention, and then keeps going, down, landing at her waistband again but this time not stopping. His fingers hook over it and drag her sweats along with her underwear down her legs, not sparing a thought to where they end up as he tosses them away.

She’s not sure she ever really knew what being worshipped was until she had JJ’s mouth on her cunt. The way he devours her not only like he enjoys it but like its his deepest desire to explore her with his tongue. The way he grips at her hips and thighs, hands eager to touch every inch of her body, the way he pushes down on her when she starts to arch off the bed, not being able to stop the way her body shakes.

It would almost be embarrassing how quickly she cums if she had the mental capacity to feel anything other than pleasure in that moment. Her legs feel like jelly and her whole body continues to twitch as he laps at her in slow broad licks, cleaning her up. 

Once she’s come back down, her breathing evening out, he moves back up her body. His eyes are shining bright in the dimly lit room and she just sees the way his mouth glistens, coated in her. It’s just about the hottest thing she’s ever seen. 

She kisses him. Again and again. Savouring the way his mouth feels on her, gently rocking her hips up to run along his hardened length through his sweatpants. 

The tension finally gets too much, she’s on edge from her last orgasm and as good as it was it’s only really left her craving more. 

She pulls away from his lips to whisper against them. 

‘You have a condom?’

JJ pulls away completely and takes a moment to catch his breath. 

‘You sure about this?’

Kie lets out a small laugh. ‘You really think I’m gonna have second thoughts after you make me cum like that?’

His eyes bore into hers and he licks his lips. She’s sure he goes to say something, but then thinks better of it and rolls off her onto the other side of the bed. Leaning over to a bedside drawer and pulling out a condom. 

Before he has a chance to move again Kie rolls over and straddles his hips. He looks up at her and smiles before she’s gripping the waistband of his sweats and pulling them off, trying to maneuver them between her legs and then letting him kick them off the rest of the way. 

He rolls on the condom and then grips on her hips as she lifts up to line him up with her entrance. She sinks down slowly and revels in the feeling of being filled up by him. Her eyes flutter closed and she lets out a steady breath as she takes him all the way. 

She goes slow, keeping her movements deliberate and purposeful. JJ’s hands remain gripped on her hips, not controlling her but holding her tight and moving with her. 

The room fills with quiet breaths and low moans as she gently rocks against him. JJ watches her every move through hooded eyes, his hands gripping tighter and tighter as his pleasure builds. 

Kie fights to stay in control, keep the steady pace she’s created. She feels her body start to tighten with anticipation. Her eyes squeeze shut and she focuses on her movements until she feels JJ sit up underneath her. He comes up to her, chest to chest, and gently places his lips on hers once more. 

The rocking of her hips stops as she sinks into the kiss. JJ drops a hand from her hips and places it on the mattress behind him, using it as leverage to start thrusting up into her. He doesn’t break their kiss once. 

She grips his back, nails digging into his skin as her body begins to tremble. Her breathing becomes ragged and small whimpers start to fall from her mouth, no longer fused with his but hanging open and just brushing over his, matching her sounds with breathy moans. 

Her release ripples through her and she throws her head back. JJ buries his head in her neck and traces it with small feather light kisses as he unloads into her and their bodies go limp against one another. 

They end up as a tangle of limbs and sheets as they fall back to the mattress. No words exchanged as she rolls sideways and pushes into the pillows while he disposes of the condom. Then JJ is coming back down to lay next to her, pulling her onto his chest and kissing the top of her head before they both drift off to sleep. 

**

It feels strange waking up alone. She’d been expecting to wake up how she fell asleep, in his arms, and when she doesn’t it just feels  _ wrong.  _ She wants nothing more than to fall back to sleep but she knows she has to get up, she promised her parents. And JJ - she knows he’ll get in trouble if he doesn’t get her back in time.

She finds the shirt and sweats discarded on the floor and pulls them back on, then wanders down the hall hoping she’ll find JJ there. She does. He’s in the kitchen with John B, leaning over the island and whispering something in what seems like a serious exchange.

They notice her come into the room and JJ instantly clams up - sure fire way to know someone is talking about you. They both stare at her and she offers them a small, uneasy wave.

‘Morning.’

They both respond in mumbled choras and then the awkward energy is back.

JJ is in the same sweats as last night, standing there in bare feet and bed hair and she has this image in her head of him smiling warmly as she comes in the room and him wrapping his arms around her as she pushes up on her toes and kisses him. This is not that. No. Something is  _ off.  _ It’s not right and her heart is at her feet.

He’s watching her, his jaw set and she doesn’t know what that means. What she supposed to do with that. This isn’t right.

Cautiously she steps towards him, her eyes flick to John B who is watching her a little more carefully than she is comfortable with.

She keeps her voice low when she stops in front of JJ. ‘Hey, so do you think-’

‘We should get going.’ He cuts her off and then is moving away without a second look.

The car ride is… tense. JJ doesn’t say anything, just grips the wheel and stares straight ahead. 

‘You know I don’t know why you bother with your bike when you could be driving this everyday.’ It’s a joke. An attempt to lighten the mood. They are in an orange VW van that’s almost half rust and barely coughed to life in the cold morning.

‘It’s John B’s’ Is all he says, not taking his eye off the road.

Kiara sinks into her seat, defeated. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. This isn’t how they are.

She half expects him to just slow down when they get there and tell her to tuck and roll. But he pulls in and walks her to her suite. He pauses as she walks inside, lingers in the doorway. Hope blooms in her as he opens his mouth to say something but then he closes it again, looks anywhere but at her then then asks, ‘you all good?’

_ No. Not at all. Can you please look at me? _

‘Yup.’ A small smile, a fake smile, one she’s never had to use with him.

He offers a half smile, lasting barely a second and then he’s heading back down the hall.

‘JJ!’ she calls out, making him stop in his tracks and slowly turn back to her.

It’s on the tip of her tongue. Words are, that is. What those words are she’s not entirely sure.  _ What’s wrong? Did I do something? I’m sorry. Are we okay?  _ None of them seem right, or she’s scared of the answer so instead she settles on.

‘Merry Christmas.’

JJ blinks a couple times and watches her before giving her a curt nod. ‘Merry Christmas.’

And with that he’s gone.

**

Christmas is uneventful and eventful all at once. She wouldn’t say anything of note happens, it’s the same old thing, family fights and passive aggression, and people who annoy her and all in all much more trouble than it’s worth. She doesn’t even get to enjoy her dad’s cooking because that’s not something they do anymore.

And what doesn’t help is that she’s sick to her stomach thinking about JJ. About his cold demeanor and distant stares. About how last night seemed perfect, like the beginning of something, and then she’d woken up and it all came tumbling down. Because of course in her life good things never last.

She thinks about calling him, about texting, more than a dozen times, especially after she gets buzzed on eggnog and it seems like an increasingly better idea as the day goes on. But she really doesn’t know what to say, and is pretty sure whatever she does will probably make it worse.

So the plan is to wait until the day after, when JJ comes back to work and she can see what happens after that. Solid plan. That’s what she thinks at least, until the day comes around and she opens the door to her suite expecting to see JJ and instead…

‘Who are you?’

The man stands from the chair in the hallway and adjusts his suit jacket.

‘Norfolk, Miss.’ 

‘I-’ She stumbles over her words, not quite sure what to make of it. ‘Where’s Maybank?’

‘He’s been reassigned.’

_ Reassigned?  _ Since when?

‘He was- Why?’

‘Requested transfer.’

_ Oh. _

‘Oh.’

‘Happens all the time, Miss. I’m sure it’s nothing personal.’

It almost seems like a joke but still Kie’s stomach drops to the floor. She’s pretty sure it is personal. 

The perfectly crafted message of  _ what the fuck?  _ stares at her on the screen for five minutes daring her to send it before she locks her phone and tosses it away. If he doesn’t have the courtesy to tell her he’s not coming back why should she care about him.

Norfolk is a perfectly likeable person. In fact she probably likes him a whole lot more than she did JJ when he first started. He’s there to keep an eye on her and he does that, she can stand to be around him, and they can make poilite small talk when they need to. He doesn't need to be her best friend. She knows that. 

Sure, she has no desire to invite him into her suite and hang out, they are both perfectly happy with him sitting outside her door when he’s not needed. And he kinda gave her a weird look when she told him they were going surfing but he relented, made the hour drive with her, and sat on the beach the whole time. It’s not like she wanted him to join her, she always used to surf alone but now it feels a little lonely. Without JJ there to cheer her on when she lands a trick or to mock her with a laugh when she wipes out. 

She fucking misses him.

Her new daily routine consists of hovering over his contact in her phone between three and ten times a day before locking it and throwing it across her room. Really, what is she going to say? Ask him why he slept with her and then disappeared? Was he really that bad of a person? Did he just not care at all?

She tries not to think about him. She fails.

She makes it to New Years Eve. After last week she has let off the hook for attending any events that she’d otherwise be required to.  _ Just this once.  _ And she might spend the night out with friends, that is if she had more than one friend. Any friends, actually – now that she thinks about it. Because while she did only have one friend she at least had a good one. That is until she fucked him and fucked it all up. And now he’s ditched her, and hasn’t spoken a word to her in a week.

The plan was to lay in bed with chocolate, some drinks and the new season of Vikings and forget about everything else. It’s a perfectly reasonable and respectable plan in her eyes. But it all falls apart, like all good plans do, when she opens a drawer to pull out her comfiest hoodie and instead is met with a t-shirt and pair of sweats freshly washed and folded, sitting there since Christmas.

She was going to give them back to him but well… things happened. And now she’s staring at them and thinking she really ought to give them back to him. It’s a valid reason to sneak out without telling anyone where she’s going. Totally justified excuse to show up at his door unannounced. She’s just being considerate, really. 

One thing she didn’t really think about was that just because  _ she  _ didn’t have plans for New Years didn’t mean no one else did. People are flowing out of the door and onto the floor landing when she gets to JJ’s apartment, music flowing from inside and people chatting and laughing obnoxiously.

Against her better judgment she doesn’t cut her losses and leave. Instead she starts working her way through the crowd of people, clutching the folded pieces of clothing to her chest, in order to find someone she knows. She catches a few strange looks from people as she weaves between them, she’s not really sure if it’s because they know she’s  _ Kiara Carrera  _ or if it’s just the fact that she’s come to a party in an oversized sweatshirt and booty shorts. Now that she thinks of it – why had she not put in more effort to look cute when confronting JJ? 

Shit. This was such a bad idea. 

She needs to leave. Now. 

She’s spinning on her heels, hoping to make a clean break but she’s stopped. 

‘Holy shit, Kiara!’ Sarah, with her flowing honey locks, wide smile and slightly out of focus eyes pulls her in for a hug. ‘I’m so glad you came. JJ said you had a thing with your family and probably couldn’t.’

_ Oh, had he? _ Right, so now he’s lying to his friends about her. Great. 

‘I’m pretty sure he’s around her somewhere.’ The drink in her head sloshes over as she haphazardly turns to look around the room. ‘Maybe you can cheer him up. He’s been in such a shitty mood lately.’

Kie’s eyes find him a second before Sarah’s do. He’s tucked away in a corner of the apartment with some girl, laughing with a charming smile on his lips. 

‘JJ!’ Sarah calls across the room, surprisingly capturing his attention above all the noise. 

His eyes shift towards them, his beer bottle half way up to his lips stops when he sees her. His whole body stills and he blinks slowly watching her. He certainly hadn’t expected to see her. 

Sarah becacons him over and after a beat he unfreezes, takes a long pull from his drink, and obliges. 

Kiara grips the clothes firmly to her chest as she watches him approach, hoping they will ground her, wishing they still smelt like him and could somehow bring her comfort. 

He stops right in front of her and there’s an awkward pause. Both of their eyes flick over to Sarah, who gets the message to leave. 

‘Keeps it down this time,’ she says playfully as she leaves. ‘We have company.’ And with that comment turning the awkward dial up to 100, she’s gone. 

There’s another loaded silence. Kiara knows she should say something, after all she’s the one who showed up here uninvited. 

JJ clears his throat. ‘Are those mine?’ He gestures to the clothes in her hands. 

Right. That’s why she’s here. ‘Oh. Yeah.’ She holds them out to him. ‘I just… wanted to bring them back.’

Shit, she’s always been a little awkward but this is a whole new level. 

‘Thanks.’ Another pause. ‘Um… here. We can go put them in my room.’

He nods his head indicating her to follow and then sets off through the crowd. If that’s not an invitation to talk she doesn’t know what is. She wanted this and yet all she wants to do is run and hide. 

The door clicks shut behind them and without a word JJ takes the clothes from her and moves to his dresser. 

‘I would’ve come some other time. If I knew there’d be a bunch of people here.’ She thinks starting slow is the best way to go. Just start talking. 

JJ just hums in response, doesn’t look at her as he tucks the clothes into a drawer. 

‘Maybe I would’ve known if I got my invitation.’

She kinda hopes the subtle passive aggression will stir some sort of reaction. He doesn’t seem too interested in talking despite bringing her in here. 

He turns around and roughly messes his hair, looking at the ground. ‘Yeah. I-’ he cuts himself off and then stops. 

It doesn’t seem like he’s planning on starting again. 

‘That’s it?’ He looks up at her and she wraps her arms around her middle, the vulnerability she feels right now making her sick. ‘You’re not going to say anything?’

JJ sighs. ‘What do you want me to say?’

_ Seriously?  _

‘You know JJ. Usually when I sleep with a guy and he ghosts me I don’t come chasing after him.’

He actually almost laughs. ‘Is that what you’re doing here? Chasing me?’

_ Is he mocking her? Is that seriously what he’s doing right now?  _

‘You know what-’ she pauses, trying to pick her next words carefully. There’s so many things she wants to say. ‘I thought we were friends,’ she finally decides on, completely resigning to the fact that maybe he never cared to start with. 

She can see him swallow slowly. ‘We are friends.’

‘No. No, you don’t treat your friends like this, JJ. You don’t just ditch them without an explanation.’ 

She can’t quite read his face but she takes some satisfaction that he looks somewhat hurt. 

‘Screw this.’ She turns on her heels and heads for the door. This isn’t worth it. 

‘No. Kie. Wait,’ he calls after her and she wishes it didn’t stop her in her tracks. ‘I should have explained.’

She turns to him slowly. 

‘I should have said something when I left. But it’s just-’ he takes a step forward to her and then half a step back. Looks down at the heavy black boots on his feet and then back up to her. 

‘The other night. It was – it was a mistake.’

It’s not like she didn’t know that. Didn’t know that he thought that. But knowing it, thinking it. It’s so much different than hearing him say it. One of the best nights of her life and he thinks it was a mistake. 

Her head drops as she tries to hide her face and the tears that start to well in her eyes. She doesn’t want to cry, she hates the way her throat feels like it’s going to close up. 

‘I shouldn’t have done that. I – I took advantage of you.’

Her brow pulls together as she looks up at him. ‘Took advantage of me? JJ, I wasn’t drunk. I knew what I was doing.’

Sure, she’d had a couple of drinks, and so had he. But they were perfectly coherent, consenting adults. 

‘I know. But our relationship. There’s a power dynamic, it’s not… it’s not right.’

‘Power dynamic? Doesn’t that mean  _ I _ took advantage of you?’

She’s kinda his boss isn’t she? 

‘No. It’s not like that it’s-’ He stops again, roughly rubs his hands in his hair. He steps forward again, he looks pained, guilty. 

‘I’m supposed to look after you, okay? Take care of you. So when I crossed that line. I misused that trust you placed in me.’

‘I’m not a child, JJ.’

She cannot believe how stupid this sounds. He thinks he’s somehow manipulated her into falling for him? That’s she’s not some adult who knows her feelings and what she wants. 

‘It’s not like that-‘

‘I can make decisions for myself. I didn’t sleep with you because of gratitude for looking after me or a saviour complex or some bullshit like that.’

She steps closer to him, not stopping to let him interrupt. 

‘I have spent all year with you. And every day I spent with you made me like you more and more. You’re my best friend, okay? And I care about you. I like you. And that’s why I did it. I thought that’s why we-’

Stopping herself before she goes too far, Kie takes a moment to search JJ’s eyes. To try and understand what he’s thinking, what his response will be. She might be imagining it, but she thinks she sees him lean into her just a fraction. 

‘If you want this. None of that other stuff matters.’

He shakes his head slightly, she’s not quite sure if he’s fight her or himself on this. ‘What if I’m right? And when you realise, you resent me for this?’

‘I won’t.’ She couldn’t. The only thing that will make her hate him is if he keeps doing this to her. Gives up on them before they even get a chance.

‘What if you do?’

‘What if I don’t? Are you just gonna pass up the chance to be happy because you’re scared of what might happen?’ She tilts her head, a small smirk on her lips. ‘I thought you were braver than that, Maybank.’

His lips form a lopsided smile and he shakes his head playfully at her. ‘You’re such a little shit, you know that?’

She takes a cautious step towards him and looks up at him from underneath her eyelashes, reaches out and plucks at the thin fabric of his t-shirt. ‘Is it working?’

One of his hands reaches up and cups the side of his face. He leans in slowly, like he’s trying to savor the moment before their lips touch. 

And then he’s kissing her. For the first time since the first a week ago. And it’s just as good as she remembers. His lips soft and gentle against hers. Slowly moving against hers like he’s trying to memorise them. 

They pull away slightly, still lingering in each other's space, small breaths tickling each other's mouths. After a beat JJ is pulling away completely and with a loud, frustrated groan falls backwards onto his bed. Kie laughs a little at his dramatics and moves over to lay down next to him, on her side watching him as he stares up at the ceiling. 

‘This is so fucked.’ He roughly runs his hands over his face and groans again. ‘I-’

JJ pauses and then turns on his side to mirror her. ‘Shit. I’m sorry about this week, Kie.’ He reaches out and rests his hand on her hip. ‘I should’ve just talked to you.’

‘You should’ve,’ she hums in agreement. 

Absentmindedly his hand on her hip finds the bottom of her hoodie and dips under it, slowly traces up and down her side.

‘If it helps, I’ve been fucking miserable.’

Kie giggles. ‘Yeah, that does kinda help actually.’ 

He digs his fingers into her side at that and she lets out a small yelp, squirms to try and get out of his grip. They fall into laughter and he holds her still keeping her from going anywhere.

They settle back into silence and Kie tries to concentrate on him and not his fingertips as they start lightly ghosting her side again, or when they dip under the waistband of her shorts for just a second only to leave again. 

‘Can you come back now?’ She doesn’t have anything against Norfolk but she can’t deny there’s even more appeal of having JJ around all the time now. 

JJ sighs. ‘I don’t think they’ll let me do that.’

‘Why not?’

‘I can’t see anyone being too happy about getting paid to hang out with my girlfriend.’ He flashes her a small smirk.

Kiara squints her eyes at him. ‘Oh, your girlfriend, huh?’ Her tone is teasing. ‘I don’t remember agreeing to that.’

‘I think it was around the time you were screaming my name.’ Cocky grin on his lips, she’d roll her eyes if it wasn’t so hot. ‘But I can understand if you don’t remember, you were pretty distracted.’

She screws up her face and hums in fake contemplation. ‘You see that might have worked if you didn’t disappear on me afterwards.’ 

‘Fair enough. How about this.’ he shuffles in a little closer, eyes soft, no longer teasing. ‘Kiara Carerra. Will you be my girlfriend?’

She can’t even hide the smile that breaks on her face at his question. She reaches up and runs her hand on the side of his face, then threads her fingers in his hair. ‘As long as you don’t ghost me again.’

‘I won’t ghost you again.’ He turns his head to place a small kiss on the inside of her wrist, like a promise. 

‘And you’re not allowed to fall in love with your new bodyguard.’

‘Love? I don’t remember saying I fell in love with the last one.’ She teases with a laugh. 

She did. But she’s not ready to tell him that just yet. 

‘Just promise me you won’t.’

‘I don’t know Norfolk is pretty cute.’

JJ pouts jokingly at her answer and rolls away from her, onto his back again. 

Kiara shuffles toward him, nuzzles her face into the side of his and plants a kiss on his cheek and then rests her forehead against his temple. 

‘I promise.’

**

She doesn’t get out of the Christmas Eve party the next year. Once again she has to make small talk and look like the picture-perfect daughter. 

But this time it’s different. This time JJ Maybank is still there, but he’s there hand in hand with her. Whispering wisecracks in her ear to make her laugh and spinning her around on the dance floor. Anna manages to not give her a  _ I told you so _ about enjoying these things if she tried. 

And after, they go back to the shitty apartment across town and drink beer and play twister. It’s a new tradition. With a new family. 

Kiara loves Christmas Eve. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas and happy New Year.
> 
> Come scream at me on [tumblr](https://hvitstark.tumblr.com/)


End file.
